Monday, April 25, 2005
You know...i think it could be a good idea to keep a diary cos i was just reading my old one the other day, and it was very interesting to remember some things, good and bad, and what i thought about lots of things. i realise we all tend to write about negative things, when we we're angry or sad or frustrated. there were so many more entries of "oh life sucks" kind of entries than "life is good" ones. probably not so much the fact that there were less of them but more that i just didnt write about them. and im sure that it's the same for many other pple as well. you just...don't write about good things. which might be due to the fact that we're too busy having fun rather than sitting in ur room crying and venting in a book. or maybe it's that it's not the sort of thing you want to tell pple incase they think less of you or it's too private and embarressing or just anything really. cos sometimes i just need to get it out of my system and because i cant or dont want to tell someone i write it. it helps me to think through it, just helps to release some of the emotion. but at the same time i realise that perhaps i might place too much importance on these things. i mean if anyone was reading it they'd probably wonder if life held no good experiences or joys but was just full of negative feelings and circumstances. whiche isnt quite true. and i've a really bad memory so really i should write down good experiences so i remember them and place more importance on them than other things. although i also write(or try to remember to write) some things and thoughts that just come out of nowhere. or concepts that i've suddenly realised, that sort of thing. it's interesting re-reading my diary cos i look back and go, now why did i react that way? that was just silly. so in a sense i suppose you could say that i've grown or learned to see things a different way. and it's strange cos it's not obvious to you unless you actually keep a diary and read it. at the time i write it i feel horrible and hope that there will come a time when i can look back at laugh at my sillyness and oversensitivity and what do you know, here it is. i look back and sometimes feel ashamed that i let something affect me so much or reacted so badly, or was so childish. and though i feel like i havent grown much, perhaps i have at least a little bit.
since i've a horrible memory,(brilliant forgettory i must say) i need a diary to keep track of these things and it's the most interesting thing to read about stuff that i seriously don't remember writing. lol. like this entry i wrote on the first day in st peters in brissy. and i met all these pple. i met a girl called caitlin, and what i wrote was "quite cool but probably too cool for me" Caitlin, affectionally known as caitie is now one of my closest friends. i laughed so hard when i read it cos i have no memory of writing anything like it, or even thinking it. but hey, it was two years ago:p. so there are very interesting things you read about in your old diaries so i suggest u pple who write diaries to keep them, and read them in a couple of years. have a couple of laughs maybe a few tears for sad ones, but i reckon it'll be a very interesting experience. it's like looking back and seeing who u were, and where you are now. it's also quite enlightening reading things i observed or thought about since i would, typically, have forgotten about them by now. time always seems to pass so slow and yet when u look back u think 'goodness the time's gone by fast." incredible really. anyoldhow...anyone reading this might think she's nuts or that it was obvious or that i think too much but smheh i just felt like writing it down cos it struck me as interesting. (i know i've used this word heaps of times but it's the closest word i can get to the feeling). so...so...me thinks that's about all at the moment. but at any other times something comes to mind or strikes me...or bowls me over like a huge gust of wind, then i shall write even more.:p muahahaha!ttfn.
10:08 pm
alone* in the rain;
