Labels: song
1:08 am
alone* in the rain;
it feels wierd...but i have a degree. a vaguely useless degree, but one nonetheless. and now i'm going to do a diploma in massage, which should be fun. yay for learning and avoiding the workplace where i should be applying what i've learned...
7:55 pm
alone* in the rain;
i'm wanting to be wanted
wanting to be worth it
worth the trouble
worth fighting for
wanting to be desired
wanting to be needed
wanting my good to outweigh the bad
wanting for something to happen
anything
wanting to stop feeling
stop being confused all the time
stop this one step forward two steps back thing
wanting to give up hoping
because all it ends up in is pain
i can't decide who's the bigger idiot
you for your empty touch and mixed signals
or me for knowing yet falling for them anyway
i keep telling myself i've shed my last tear for you
and then that bloody stupid smile of yours
and that memory
i want to be over you
to stop handing you my heart on a platter
and spending an eternity
suspended in breathless heightened agony
while you tried to make up your mind
while i bled to death waiting
and waiting
and wanting while waiting
how did i come undone?
3:23 am
alone* in the rain;
it's funny that my heart/body knows itself more than i thought.
it doesn't hurt now...
not yet...
but it will later...
i'm too busy and there's too much to do. and i won't be able to do anything if i'm feeling, or hurting, or stressing. but when there's time, when i have time to not think, when i have time to feel, when i have time to think... then it'll all come crashing down. god, it's going to hurt...i should have known better. i always say that. but i never learn. what makes it worse is that i can understand. i'm not sure if it's a comfort or a bitter pity, a promise or a threat, that i will always be okay.
come fire come snow come ice
come wind and rushing water
devour consume and taint
devise to trip and falter
though weary and heavy laden
her walls will not be shaken
she will not cry
she is the icemaiden
10:30 pm
alone* in the rain;
would you just make up your mind...
quit playing games with my heart
12:01 pm
alone* in the rain;
that smile...
i want to see that smile again
6:06 pm
alone* in the rain;
Keep a tight grip like a child holding onto a swing set,
Waiting and hoping to find what I can't figure out yet,
Please don't, unless this is something you mean,
Another nightmare instead of a dream,
Better left alone,
Holding onto the phone,
Holding onto this glass,
Holding onto the memory of what didn't last.
Waiting for better words,
They'll never come.
So dry your eyes,
Its better,
Now it's done...
I never lost so much...
"Now It's Done" - Straylight run
2:08 am
alone* in the rain;
how stupid...and foolish, and incredibly fickle. i even had an inkling, and gave myself a warning. but obviously somewhere along the way i stopped thinking, and focussed on feeling. yet somehow it was unexpected. typical...how stupid...
9:42 pm
alone* in the rain;
